On Writing

Writing has been a core part of me since growing up but I still feel stupid sometimes when I have insane periods of writing and then periods of complete silence where my heart and mind stay so shush, that it is maddening and borderline triggering to my sanity.

I fell in love with writing while falling in love with journaling after going through a massive break-up in my teenage years. I remember that I watched an online guru stressing on how much journaling changed their life and so I thought with plenty of free and corporate branded notebooks lying around me, I might as well give it a shot.

And I really did give it a shot.

But since then I have a love-hate relationship with writing becuase when I write I talk to myself and most days I don't like to hear what I have to say to myself: such as right now. However, writing has given me the utmost joy which I sometimes struggle to get through making music as well because I can write great lyrics but I swear sometimes I am seriously bad at knowing the BPM or staying in the rhythm. Oftentimes, as Alex points out to me: I try to cram up 50 words in 1 breath just because I want the sentence to say how I feel and man, do I love words.

I hate writing sometimes becuase the gratification is delayed and I hate to be the 55 year old woman talking over a glass of red wine and saying that, "Phones have ruined our generation" but it has for me. Instead of writing, I would rather watch memes or watch myself watch the memes and feel terrible about it.

Through the mental gymnastics and the back and forth I do on a daily basis with my self, I decided to get Stephen King's book, titled 'On Writing'. It has been so long since I last read a book that made me so engrossed in it that I forgot what time it was (the last book was The Color Purple). I don't proclaim myself as an avid reader like the young girls with perfect nails and colorful jewelry in the trains, glued to their books till they reach their stop. I think that I am somewhere in the middle of Alexander and the girls in the trains.

Writing is therapy and worst thing that a creative and anxious soul can do is go to this therapy and wait for the reward but Stephen's book is reigniting the fire again and making me go back to all the times when writing saved me when I didn't even know that I needed to be saved and just like two star crossed lovers, I hope that writing and I can find our way back to each other.