An Invisible String Between My Music and My Childhood Memories

The greatest mystery of my mind and life has been this recurring phenomenon: any time I write or sing a song that I have created, it takes me back to a particular memory in my childhood, even when the song is completely unrelated to childhood or nostalgia.

There is always a particular road that I can see ever so clearly, which is colored brownish-golden. The air feels like sunset on a summer night during my vision, and there is no one—not even me in the vision—but just the street.

The power lines blur with the golden hues of the sky, the smell of asphalt and the green of trees color all the senses of my vision while I float away in this nostalgic imagination. Hence, with every song, there is a dedicated street that the song takes me back to no matter if I record it or perform it: I am back at the street from my childhood.

"That is kind of creepy," Alex exclaims while I explain to him yet another vision of one street that I have had with yet another song. "Do you ever want to try therapy?" he says mindlessly while he cuts the vocal takes in the studio.

I do want to dive deep into the core and see why my music and nostalgia are so interlinked

Why do I dream of places that I have not visited since I was a child?

Is it because I moved every two years as a child and lost a piece of myself with every place?

Is it because I was discouraged from pursuing music during my childhood, and that is something that still lingers in my soul?

Is music the only dream I have left inside of me since childhood?

I hesitate after thinking for a long time, "Ah, probably it is nothing. Even if it is something, then it's not like I have the means to pay a therapist," I scoff, hiding the deep intensity and longing I have when I have this moment while recording the song, but not being brave enough to come to terms with it or go through an open-heart surgery to decipher its meaning because I simply don't have it in me to bare it all .

But this invisible string of music and my childhood is a mystery, but maybe I will wait for a while to face it, if I face it at all.